To Let it Be, or Not to Let it Be….?

This is the first post I’ve written on the new site. What better way to celebrate this auspicious occasion than to write about a very significant development in our progress towards realising our ultimate (well, for now anyway) dream.

The interesting news is that we have decided to sell our lovely house here in Roquetaillade, and look for somewhere more farming/animal-friendly, in the sense of having land around the house, a barn, and ideally some other outbuildings.

Of course, as you might expect from the way things tend to happen in our lives, this exciting development has come about as a result of a bit of fortuitous meddling by the Universe. Although I have to admit, I might have inadvertently nudged the Universe in this direction, by putting out into the ether a fairly strong intention for something like this to happen.

Let me explain…..

Those of you who have read this blog avidly since its birth in February may recall in my explanation of How We Came This, a reference to some people who had visited our house in October 2007, just before we took it off the market. Well, in one of those strange moments of synchrony (that seem to happen quite often once you start noticing them), I was at the end of our road parking the trusty old Omega a bit away from the house (where we have parked it ever since we found that there really wasn’t room for two big cars and a horse-trailer outside our front door) when I noticed someone sitting on the bench, where the old French men in berets usually sit to watch the world go by. I said ‘bonjour’, as ya do, and was a bit taken aback when the unfamiliar face responded with “You probably don’t remember me, do you?” He went on to introduce himself as Frank, one of the couple who had visited our house a year ago, and who had decided they wanted to buy it, just as we had decided we didn’t want to sell it.

He went on to explain that he was out here on a house-hunting trip, as they still hadn’t found anywhere they liked as much as they had liked our house. He had a bit of a gap between house viewings, and just happened to be in the area, so he’d come to Roquetaillade for a look around. He wondered if, maybe, would we by any chance, possibly be thinking of selling our house at the moment?

I invited him for coffee, my brain whirring frantically, trying to compute the implications of this unexpected meeting. Was this an opportunity, (to finally move to the place we thought we had wanted to find over a year ago)? Or a test, (to enable us to prove to ourselves, once and for all, that Roquetaillade was where we really wanted to stay). And what would Simon be thinking?

We drank our coffee, and chatted about the horrors of house-hunting and the evils of estate agents. We wandered out on to the terrace to contemplate the view, and talk about the eoliennes. We exchanged email addresses – “just in case” – and Frank left.

Now this little piece of happenstance occurred just before Simon’s parents were due to visit for a week, and we were a little occupied with getting the house ready and such like. Those of you who are familiar with my customary approach to house-tidiness will recognize that preparing the house for a visit is no small task, as months of neglected housework has to be crammed in to a couple of days. And then Simon was off to England to pick them up, and suddenly a week had gone by since Frank had wandered amiably into our little world and raised The Question, that we had yet to discuss.

Over the last year or so, I have frequently been struck by how much more ‘grounded’ Simon is, than I. I have yet to hear him volunteer even the slightest expression of discontent about any aspect of our current life (“C’mon, man! There must be something that pisses you off, just a tiny bit”), and he responds to my whining about anything that tarnishes the perfection of our Dream with an indulgent smile, and a reminder about all the blessings I could be counting instead. He seems to be very content with whatever comes along, and potters through his life, getting lots of pleasure out of Little Things like planting seeds, baking apple-pies, and noting the interesting phenomena recorded by his weather-station.

I, on the other hand, seem to be constitutionally incapable of just accepting Life as it is. Despite all of my Zen preaching about the nature of Life and Happiness, and all my many, many hours of contemplation and reflection on the Point of It All, I still find myself in thrall to the Demon of Future Happiness. Although all my life experience (and it feels as if there has been quite a lot of it) has demonstrated to me time and time again that, once you actually get to eat it, the grass on the other side of the fence is really just a different shade of the same sort of green, (and it goes brown, just the same, if you don’t water it), I still can’t stop myself looking longingly over the fence, and Wishing.

I wish we didn’t have to walk so far to see the llamas every day. I wish they could all be in one place where we could check on them and interact with them more easily. I wish we didn’t have to keep carrying heavy bales of hay up steep hills. I wish we had a water source on the llama land. I wish we had somewhere to store the hay. I wish we had a proper, closeable shelter from the elements for the llamas, in case of sickness or injury. I wish we had easy access on to the land for the trailer. I wish we had a flatter field with more space, so the llama poo wouldn’t relentlessly congregate in a heap around their hanging-out area. I wish we had more room to grow vegetables. I wish we had some fruit trees. I wish we could have our chickens pottering about in a yard outside our back door. I wish there was more grass for the llamas to eat. I wish it rained a bit more. I wish we could just let the dog outside to run around on our own land.

And so on.

Generally, I try to keep these thoughts squashed down quietly inside my head, and to concentrate instead on being happy in the Now. And when there seems to be no choice in the matter, that is quite easy to do, especially when the Now has sooooo many lovely things going for it. But I must admit to experiencing a recurring sense of dissonance between the various elements of my current belief system. On the one hand, I do believe that the key to Happiness is to live fully here and now, in the present moment. On the other hand, I do believe in the Law of Attraction (which simply says that you attract into your life whatever you think about, so that your dominant thoughts will find a way to take form and become visible), and the Power of Intention (when you make a clear, committed decision, the Universe opens the universal floodgates, bringing you all the resources you need to realize your goal, sometimes in seemingly mysterious or impossible ways). And the thing about any sort of Power is that it is only anything if it is used. So is it alright to wish for stuff, or isn’t it? Let’s leave that thought on the psychological shelf for a moment, and get back to the plot.

So… Simon is way ahead of me in the Enjoying-Life-As-It-Is stakes, and I remain a Slave to Craving. But I am ashamed of this weakness, and I generally hesitate to draw attention to it. So, even when I am thinking “Wow, Yes!!! What an Opportunity. Let’s get on the internet and begin the mouth-watering search for the Perfect Place”, what I actually say to Simon is, “Funny about meeting Frank again like that……?” And when he doesn’t immediately respond to mirror the thought that is fidgeting edgily in my head, I leave it for a bit, and contemplate the best way of bringing up the fact that actually, maybe, I might quite like to think about the possibilities that selling this house might open up.

Needless to say, by the time I have given in to the insistent whinging of this fidgeting thought, and let it out to run brazenly around the open playground of a decisive conversation with Simon, the Moment has passed. I email Frank to say we’ve thought about things, and would be willing to consider selling the house. He emails back to say they’ve found a house that they are considering making an offer on, followed shortly after by one saying that they have decided to go ahead with buying the other house.

After a few moments of childish, heart-wrenching, bitter disappointment (an immature trait that has never left me – but at least I don’t actually cry and wail out loud any more) my psychological immune system is triggered by the fact that this is How Things Are, and I start to look on the bright side. And, let’s be honest, living here has many, many bright sides. The weather is lovely. The scenery is spectacular. The views are gorgeous. We have settled in, and know how things work around here. We have friends. We have a very comfortable house. We won’t have to deal with all the hassles and horrors of actually moving.

As Daniel Gilbert says in his book “Stumbling on Happiness”;

We find silver linings only when we must……We just can’t make the best of a fate until it is inescapably, inevitably and irrevocably ours.

Once I know that an option is closed, I can relax, and get back to the full-time occupation of Living in the Moment. And all is fine and dandy, until…..

Until that little Demon starts up his niggling chatter again. Suppose that really was the Universe giving us another opportunity to do what we really want to do? Suppose that it is true that ‘He Who Hesitates is lost’? Suppose it was Right that we didn’t sell the house last year (our being here, with all the land-borrowing/buying/not-buying saga has resolved a long-standing issue in the Village, and got both families what they actually wanted, in a way that could never have happened if we hadn’t offered to buy the land in the first place), but suppose our work here is now done? Suppose we should have jumped at the opportunity, and now we’ve missed the boat and our Destiny will sail off into a rosy sunset without us? Oh if only I could Let it Be……

But then, one day, happily browsing Facebook (which is a good displacement activity, that keeps your conscious mind occupied, whilst letting your underbrain do a bit of consolidating) I happened upon a virtual group called “I believe in the Law of Attraction”. I clicked on the link, and entertained myself reading the articles and following other links, until I pretty soon found myself immersed in the whole Power of Intention thing again. Then, irresistibly, I followed a link aimed at “Those of you interested in disproving the Law of Attraction” to read an unusual interpretation of scepticism, and found myself here.

A few more days of browsing through the Best of StevePavlina.com, and I had read the 10 Reasons why You Should Never Get A Job, discovered My Life’s Purpose in About 20 Minutes, got to grips with Cause-Effect v Intention-Manifestation, and duly considered The Meaning of Life: Intro. I had also listened to a podcast about becoming a Lucid Dreamer, and discounted the well-intentioned advice about How to Become an Early Riser. And, freshly armed with a slightly clearer notion of my life’s purpose, and a reaffirmed belief in the Power of Intention, I decided to take a walk down to the Fairy Wood for a little chat with The Universe……..

(to be continued)

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2 Responses to To Let it Be, or Not to Let it Be….?

  1. Colin says:

    What? Sell it? We havn’t even visited yet! Was looking forward to getting drunk on that terrace….! ;-(

  2. Simon says:

    Well, there’s still time! Get yourself a flight for the new year . . . Mind you, could be a bit cool for sitting out drinking.

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