Well here we are. It is 2010. A year which still sounds to me as if it belongs in a science fiction future. But, somewhat surprisingly, it seems to have turned up here and now, on this very day. And I can’t help feeling a little buzz of excitement at the prospect of all the unthought-of possibilities that might be lurking in the first twelve months of the brand new decade that lies ahead. I’m not sure if that makes me an optimist or a naive fool. Either way, it makes me happy.
I suppose, over that last couple of years, I’ve become accustomed to the fairly regular occurrence of Big Changes. In March 2008 we moved to France. In April 2009 we moved to the Allier. I can’t help feeling like something pretty awesome should be happening in around May of this coming year. Thirteen months of any one thing is clearly enough. Sometimes I wonder if I embrace Change a little too enthusiastically. Maybe, if I am to make any kind of New Year resolution at all, I should resolve, just for one year, NOT TO CHANGE ANYTHING.
But when it comes to New Year resolutions, I tend to identify with the sentiments expressed in this quote from Anais Nin,
I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.
And anyway, resolutions are bad for you – because you feel so crappy when you fail to keep to them. Apparently. According to various internet sources, you are much better off setting yourselves small, achievable goals. SMART targets even. And how reassuring to know that you can even avail yourselves of various “goal tracking webapps and tools” to help you keep on the self-imposed straight-and-narrow.
Aargh! Anyone who has had the dubious pleasure of being a work colleague of mine during any of my previous existences as an employed person will know just how much I loathe and abhor target setting. It is just so dull. So uninspiring. So tedious. So goddamned, through-and-through left-brained. Where’s the fun, the spontaneity, the sheer joy-of-living in a target? They might work for some control-oriented people, who like to measure out their lives in ticked boxes, but I simply can’t see how it is possible to Go with the Flow or Seize the Day with a bunch of targets hanging over your head, like a big, jangly bunch of worthy, self-imposed deadlines.
So, for someone who dismisses the notion of resolutions, and despairs at the tedium of target-setting, how would I go about changing unhelpful life-habits, if I wanted to?
Well the first thing I would say is that I would have to really want to make the change, and not just be trying to because somebody else (including any of those Voices of Shouldness in my head) thought I ought to – a distinction made more complicated by the fact that “I” is such a difficult concept to get a handle on. And even when I’ve managed to get to the bottom of that particular conundrum, the “I” that I think I’ve discovered may aspire to all sorts of laudable things, but the “me” of my ego sees things differently, and doesn’t want to let me out of the grip of my addictive cravings and selfish desires.
Then trouble with trying to accomplish anything through the use of will-power, (which bit of me does my will belong to?) is that I always end up engaged in an internal struggle. Being a lover of metaphor, I like to view this as a struggle between my Higher Self (the one with all the worthy aspirations) and my personal demons (of which there are many). And anyone who has ever struggled with a personal demon will know just what cunning, resilient little buggers they can be. But here’s the Thing…… fighting them only makes them stronger. When you fight something, you are tied to it forever. As long as you are fighting with it, you are giving it power over you. The only way to deal with your personal demons is to see through them. You have to understand them. You have to embrace them. You have to just hold them clearly, with awareness, without trying to suppress them, but not indulging them. And once you know them, once you can see them for what they really are, they will just go away and leave you in peace. Apparently.
So if any of you good people out there are donning your will-power armour, and gearing up to fight a personal demon or two on this bright and shiny first day of the Brand New Year, don’t bother. Because if you fight, you will lose. And then you will feel…well…like a loser, which is a bit of a rubbish way to feel before the Year has even really got going.
Instead of making doomed resolutions, why not just fill your heart with good intent, raise your glass to the possibilities and opportunities waiting to be discovered in the year ahead, and Make a Great Big Wish instead?
Or if you really, really feel you simply must resolve to do something on this auspicious occasion, how about following in the admirable footsteps of John Burroughs, who said…
One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this:
To rise above the little things.
OK!