Not Starting From Here

Here’s a funny thing. As you will no doubt have noticed (from the swathes of inactivity that beset this blog from time to time) I frequently procrastinate and engage in task avoidance activities, when I should be writing posts. But now that I have set myself up with another Great Big Should in my life, this ‘ere blog has transmuted into a medium for procrastination in its own right. I now find myself wanting to write posts as a way of avoiding writing The Great Novel.

I wish I had thought of this strategy when I was still working. I might have been able to trick myself into actually doing some of those Onerous Tasks that I used to put off, and put off, and then put off some more until a) someone important got really cross with me, or b) circumstances changed, and the Onerous Task became unnecessary. Hmmm, come to think of it, b) was my justification for always putting things off until the last possible minute. Anyone who has worked in local government, or any similar large bureaucracy, will know that at least eighty-five percent of the stuff your boss tells you to do is ultimately arbitrary and pointless, and will eventually (as a result of a change of government, or a staffing restructure, or simply your boss having a shiny new Bright Idea) be superseded by some directive or other telling you to do something different. So, if you can avoid doing it for long enough, you often as not don’t have to do it at all – which in my book equates with Effective Time Management.

I digress, as any accomplished procrastinator would. The fact of the matter is that, if I am going to write a novel, I guess at some point I will actually have to write it. Not just start it. And then talk about it. And think about it. And talk about it some more. I will have to sit my dilatory ass down in front of the trusty old laptop, close my mind to the million and one distractions that even my small world has to offer, and WRITE THE BLOODY THING!

The thing is though, it is HARD. Four short chapters in, and I have written myself into a corner. Time to consider the plot in a little more detail methinks. Time to outline a plan. Ugh! A plan. This whole endeavour is beginning to smack of self-discipline. Soooo not my style. And yet probably so essential to the successful achievement of the Thing I Have Set Out To Do.

So this morning I asked Simon to lend me his listening ears, while I tried to work out where this damned story is going to end up, and where it needs to go in the meantime to get there. And the conclusion that I came to was this – if I want it to get to where I want it to go, just like in the well-known Irish joke, it shouldn’t be starting from here. Arse. Four steps forward, three and a half steps back!

Here’s another funny thing. When I was a kid I actually used to like playing Snakes and Ladders.