Two days have passed since Fatma died, and we and the other llamas are gradually adjusting to her absence.
Yesterday, Pedro, Capucine, Elif and even Lilas seemed a little thrown by the gap that Fatma’s sudden departure had created. They all have their own place in the herd, and they have an order in which they come down to the gate and wait for us to let them into the catch-pen. And Lilas had got into the habit of standing next to Fatma while they all ate their concentrate – I think because Fatma was always the most tolerant of the presence of other llamas whilst she ate. It was strange to see them all still standing in their usual places, leaving a space where Fatma would have been.
They also seemed somehow a little more wary of me. It was hard to put my finger on what it was – just a sense of them not being as relaxed as usual around me, and watching me more closely, as I went about my usual business of poo-raking, and water-bucket filling.
But today it was evident that the group dynamic was beginning to adapt to the change. Elif seems to have regained the dominant status she occupied when she was heavily pregnant. Fatma was the only llama that Elif would ever give way to. And Capucine seems to have suddenly come of age. She is so unlike Ana was at nine months. Ana was always at the very bottom of the pecking order, and would try to sneak her way unnoticed into the group to get at the hay. In contrast, Capucine asserts her position strongly, and today was successfully warning off Pedro, and indeed Lilas, with no allowances being made for Lilas’ charming youthfulness. It is as if Capucine has stepped straight into her mother’s shoes.
I am also pleased to say that, after a little early bewilderment, when Capucine seemed to be missing Fatma, and wondering where she was – walking around to look behind the field shelter, and wandering down to the gate to look into the distance past the exit – she seems to have taken her abrupt weaning in her stride. She was not humming at all today, and has been happily grazing in the sunshine in a very relaxed way.
I can’t help but notice Fatma’s absence. It’s not just that I only need to put out three food buckets in the catch-pen, or that field shelter suddenly seems so much bigger. It is that the whole ambience in the field is different, without her particular qualities mixed into it. Strange as it may sound, I miss her down-to-earthness, her easy-going approach to life, and her cheery humour. Odd things to ascribe to a llama, I know. But that is how it feels.
Fatma’s character was fundamental to the very nature of the group. If Capucine really is going to follow in her mother’s footsteps, she has got a lot to live up to.
